mythbuster | appointment post

[Dirk listens to Loki curiously. He clearly can't cook, but when it comes to the meanings of things, of identities, Dirk has come to trust his judgement. He still recalls the runes that form his name.

He doesn't let himself reach out for the hilt of that sword. His sword. Another of the legacies passed into his hands.]

Magical weapons are pretty commonplace for us.

But I'd prefer to work out exactly what kind of side-effects that might have before signing off on it.

[Magic is fine. But anything can be double-edged. He knows what the other version of this sword has done. He knows what another iteration of Lil Cal held inside it.

He does not want to be carrying around an evil sword.]

In most ways, it should be a strength. Your sword will be more durable and less subject to external factors both physical and magical. If it's up against a non-magical weapon, your sword should win every time. But if something does manage to damage your sword, it will be hard to repair. Otherwise, assuming these metals aren't magically potent, the end result should be similar to a normal if extremely hardy sword.

[ Even if that pulsing metal begs a second look... ]

Most importantly, rune magic is tied closely to its caster. None but I can remove the spells on your sword. But if I cease to exist, the magic will be undone and the sword will revert back to its pre-magic state.

[Dirk doesn't think twice about giving Loki that kind of power over his weapon. He is a little more concerned about the ceasing to exist.]

Nice understatement.

[He knows people around here have a habit of disappearing. On one hand, he doesn't want his sword to get wrecked. But if Loki vanished, and the sword stayed safe, that would at least let him know Loki was all right—and by extension, perhaps the others who disappeared. And if the sword didn't...]

Will the sword revert back to its broken state if you decide that existing is overrated?

Overrated? ... Hey, hey. Are you having depressed thoughts? We can get you help for that.

[ He knows a doctor!! From 18th (19th?) Century. But he seems savvy about the modern world.

The idea of finding existence overrated honestly doesn't occur to him. He's content with living life day by day. ]

I might start getting some if you don't answer my question.

[Loki you are such a piece of shit why is he trusting you to make him a sword.]

[ who even knows

also he is feeling bullied right now ]

Well, I suppose... in theory, if I found existence too bothersome and decided to end it for myself, the sword would unmend.

[ This is getting a little morbid... ]

[He studies Loki for a moment longer. Then he nods and pushes the hilt across the table.]

In that case, I'm gonna go for the action movie cliche and ask you to try not to die.

You can start by changing your diet.

[ Dirk continues being a weird guy. Loki slides the broken sword closer, but leaves it on the table. ]

There's nothing wrong with my diet.

[ Anymore. He would be eating approximately 50000 times more cake if it were accessible to him. ]

Are you worried about me? It's alright. I'm pretty resilient. [ He lifts a comforting(?) hand. There, there. There, there. ] Anyway, we can test the metals for hardness, melting point, and so on. Once you pick one you like, we can figure out how to proceed.

I'm comforted.

[Well done, Loki. Really. Dirk's nod is a slight thing, but it confirms regardless.] Will the Aurora do for a forge again, or should I be looking for a volcano?

... A volcano?

[ Please explain. ]

It's a real hard sword for a real hard dude. It was said to be forged by an ancient Otaku Master over the heat of a roaring manga fire. It was cooled in an enchanted spring where virgin horses nicker and bathe, and was said could be used only by one whose pointy anime shades were deemed sweet enough, and whose hair existed in a perpetually sculpted state of looking completely fucking awesome. All of those things were said by me.

[Dirk does not change tone for that entire thing.]

Actually getting it forged by a Norse detective [ha] on an alien planet in a volcano or lava would be a pretty ironic second life. [Since obviously all the things Dirk said were total bullshit. But now it will be the truly anime sword. And that's hilarious to him.]

...

Why do I talk to you?

[ Moments like this seriously make him question. He really has no friends, does he? That's what this means. This right here. ]

Well, it's your sword, so if you want it done in something absurd like lava, then I can do it. The only limit is your patience in finding the right location for it.

Dave and I are looking for a volcano anyway. I'm borrowing the lightsaber until I make a new sword.

[Loki you like him so just admit to it? Come on. You need weirdos in your life to be happy.]

[ Baka!! He is too kakkoi to need fushigi tomodachis to be ureshii. ]

Mm-hm... And should I ask why you two were already looking for a volcano?

Probably not.

[Stop being a tsundere? Dirk isn't.

he's clearly a kuudere]

We're going to name it Mount Doom.

[ oh god

striders are actual nerds ]

I hope it's ten feet tall and largely benevolent.

[ A benevolent volcano?? ]

That'd be fuckin' perfect.

[Because then the name would be totally ironic.]

Ha ha... You would think that.

[ Also it would be easier to work with, logistically... to be honest...

Anyway!! He gathers up the metal samples in one arm and picks up the sword. ]

I'll go experiment with these in the lab. Want to come?

Sure.

[He gets to his feet and just... starts walking?

Loki picked the stuff up. If he wants to carry it, good for him.]

[ Despite the impression he gives around Dirk, Loki is perfectly content with physical labor within his means. It's not his fault if there's a lot of physical labor that falls beyond that description!!

When they get to the lab, Loki deposits the stuff on a lab table and proceeds to put on the appropriate safety gear, a.k.a. safety goggles and lab coat. No pants, because that's not how shotas work. ]

Let's start with an impact test. We don't have specialized equipment, so let's just use this mallet.

[ SCIENCE. Also he has a mallet. He got it from somewhere. He holds it out to Dirk, because who between the two of them is gonna be better at hitting things. ]

We're not looking for anything specific, I guess. We only want to be sure none of them are especially brittle or soft.

[Yes. This is the kind of science he can get behind. Although when Dirk takes the mallet in hand, he turns it over a few times? His strifedeck isn't set up for this. Doesn't Egbert use hammers?

After a moment, he puts down the mallet and takes out a zillysanta instead.]

This will work better.

[ ...

The fuck is that. ]

Yeah. Sure.

[ Okay, Strider. ]

[Dirk strikes down.

It really does have the force of a hammer. It even has the force of more than that. The metal takes it fine, but Dirk feels a hard shake echo up his arm. Ow?]

Hammerkind is such bullshit.

[This is why he doesn't use it.]

[ Loki watches Dirk pound the metal with an unnervingly blue figurine. He is not sure how they arrived at this juncture. ]

Can you rightly call that a hammer? That's Santa, isn't it? No matter how you look at it, that's an unusually serious figurine of Santa.

I'm using FancySantakind in the style of a hammer. [Come on Loki, don't you know anything about strife specubi? He gives a few more pounds to be sure.] The Zilly Santa was alchemized during a really unpleasant adventure in sugary obnoxiousness but it's tough enough to block any attack.

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