mythbuster | appointment post

[ Dirk continues being a weird guy. Loki slides the broken sword closer, but leaves it on the table. ]

There's nothing wrong with my diet.

[ Anymore. He would be eating approximately 50000 times more cake if it were accessible to him. ]

Are you worried about me? It's alright. I'm pretty resilient. [ He lifts a comforting(?) hand. There, there. There, there. ] Anyway, we can test the metals for hardness, melting point, and so on. Once you pick one you like, we can figure out how to proceed.

I'm comforted.

[Well done, Loki. Really. Dirk's nod is a slight thing, but it confirms regardless.] Will the Aurora do for a forge again, or should I be looking for a volcano?

... A volcano?

[ Please explain. ]

It's a real hard sword for a real hard dude. It was said to be forged by an ancient Otaku Master over the heat of a roaring manga fire. It was cooled in an enchanted spring where virgin horses nicker and bathe, and was said could be used only by one whose pointy anime shades were deemed sweet enough, and whose hair existed in a perpetually sculpted state of looking completely fucking awesome. All of those things were said by me.

[Dirk does not change tone for that entire thing.]

Actually getting it forged by a Norse detective [ha] on an alien planet in a volcano or lava would be a pretty ironic second life. [Since obviously all the things Dirk said were total bullshit. But now it will be the truly anime sword. And that's hilarious to him.]

...

Why do I talk to you?

[ Moments like this seriously make him question. He really has no friends, does he? That's what this means. This right here. ]

Well, it's your sword, so if you want it done in something absurd like lava, then I can do it. The only limit is your patience in finding the right location for it.

Dave and I are looking for a volcano anyway. I'm borrowing the lightsaber until I make a new sword.

[Loki you like him so just admit to it? Come on. You need weirdos in your life to be happy.]

[ Baka!! He is too kakkoi to need fushigi tomodachis to be ureshii. ]

Mm-hm... And should I ask why you two were already looking for a volcano?

Probably not.

[Stop being a tsundere? Dirk isn't.

he's clearly a kuudere]

We're going to name it Mount Doom.

[ oh god

striders are actual nerds ]

I hope it's ten feet tall and largely benevolent.

[ A benevolent volcano?? ]

That'd be fuckin' perfect.

[Because then the name would be totally ironic.]

Ha ha... You would think that.

[ Also it would be easier to work with, logistically... to be honest...

Anyway!! He gathers up the metal samples in one arm and picks up the sword. ]

I'll go experiment with these in the lab. Want to come?

Sure.

[He gets to his feet and just... starts walking?

Loki picked the stuff up. If he wants to carry it, good for him.]

[ Despite the impression he gives around Dirk, Loki is perfectly content with physical labor within his means. It's not his fault if there's a lot of physical labor that falls beyond that description!!

When they get to the lab, Loki deposits the stuff on a lab table and proceeds to put on the appropriate safety gear, a.k.a. safety goggles and lab coat. No pants, because that's not how shotas work. ]

Let's start with an impact test. We don't have specialized equipment, so let's just use this mallet.

[ SCIENCE. Also he has a mallet. He got it from somewhere. He holds it out to Dirk, because who between the two of them is gonna be better at hitting things. ]

We're not looking for anything specific, I guess. We only want to be sure none of them are especially brittle or soft.

[Yes. This is the kind of science he can get behind. Although when Dirk takes the mallet in hand, he turns it over a few times? His strifedeck isn't set up for this. Doesn't Egbert use hammers?

After a moment, he puts down the mallet and takes out a zillysanta instead.]

This will work better.

[ ...

The fuck is that. ]

Yeah. Sure.

[ Okay, Strider. ]

[Dirk strikes down.

It really does have the force of a hammer. It even has the force of more than that. The metal takes it fine, but Dirk feels a hard shake echo up his arm. Ow?]

Hammerkind is such bullshit.

[This is why he doesn't use it.]

[ Loki watches Dirk pound the metal with an unnervingly blue figurine. He is not sure how they arrived at this juncture. ]

Can you rightly call that a hammer? That's Santa, isn't it? No matter how you look at it, that's an unusually serious figurine of Santa.

I'm using FancySantakind in the style of a hammer. [Come on Loki, don't you know anything about strife specubi? He gives a few more pounds to be sure.] The Zilly Santa was alchemized during a really unpleasant adventure in sugary obnoxiousness but it's tough enough to block any attack.

... I'll take your word for it.

[ The word being that it was made during an intense sugar high? ... It's easier to just smile and nod, plus or minus the smiling. He hops onto a lab stool and peers at the metals as Dirk hits them. ]

How do they look? Are they all holding up?

They could do with some refining, but I'd say they could hold their own against one of the most powerful weapons in the game, yes.

[It was a really terrible game that made a Zillysanta so powerful.]

All four of them, huh? That's lucky. Okay, moving on.

[ He hops back off the chair and digs around in the equipment cabinet for five crucibles, which he lines up on the floor. He then manifests his staff and uses it like a giant magic marker to draw a rune in each bowl -- specifically the fire rune Kauno. ]

If you don't mind, I'm going to chip off a piece of your sword to compare melting points for the metals.

Go for it, L-man.

[Dirk doesn't steal the chair for himself. He knows Loki needs his height advantages. But he goes over to the crucibles and watches what he's going. He recognizes Kauno from last time.

He really likes watching Loki work? It's fascinating to him. He learns a lot every time.]

[ Bless Dirk for being the only person who seems to give a hoot...

With permission granted, he places the sword on the floor and gives the blade a sharp jab with the butt of Laevateinn. A small piece hops up into his hand, broken off cleanly. This he fixes to a clamp on a ring stand -- as he does with every other sample, each to its own stand.

With each bit of metal arranged over a crucible, Loki lets the runes ignite. The flames are intense and blue, not unlike that of a Bunsen burner. And now... they wait. ]

Do these metals have names yet?

[The metals melt in the order of 3, 1, 4, 2. The steel is just normal steel so that's fine at least.]

Not yet. I'm taking suggestions.

[Because clearly Loki and Dirk naming things could never go badly.]

[ Once the metals begin to drip and deform, he snuffs each fire out with end of his staff. The runes disappear with the flames as if they were never there, leaving only molten drops at the bottom of each crucible. ]

A lot of metals are named after people. How about some of our old crewmates?

[ Too morbid?? ]

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